Underpants are forever
The Bakersfield Californian
Tuesday August 12, 2003, 10:03:00 PM
Normally, we here in the Eye Street section hold steadfast to a commitment to integrity, which means no kowtowing to manufacturers or dot.coms pimping new products with shameless promotions.
We are unwavering. Unflappable.
Until it comes to underpants. That's when we let down our guard, so to speak.
Today, we are fully endorsing the effort by freshpair.com, a leading online seller of men's and women's underwear, to declare Aug. 13 as National Underwear Day.
Two reasons: Americans spend 12 billion bucks on underpants, so it stands to reason that your boxers and briefs should get more respect, if not a good bleaching. Besides, it's just fun to say. Underpants.
Moreover, we think freshpair.com represents more than a company's name -- it's a goal for many of us, or should be.
So today, we are calling on all residents of Kern County to stand up, bend over and take notice of your undies.
Are they working for you? Is it time to try a different style -- ditch the tighty whities for a Slim Guy Boxer, trade in the bikini brief for a nice thong?
Or just forget the whole thing and go commando?
To call attention to it's effort, freshpair.com has dispatched 20 models, clad in underwear only, throughout the streets of New York City with petitions in hand. The hope is that the models will gain enough signatures to get the day enacted nationally.
Believe it or not, Bakersfield juuuuuuuuust missed out being chosen as the freshpair.com's test market for this effort. Neverthless, we'd like to help.
In the Aug. 13 Bakersfield Californian you'll find a petition that states you would like to see every Aug. 13 declared National Underwear Day. Just sign it and send it in to the address provided. We'll pass it along to the, uh, head underwear people.
While you're at it, let us know what your personal preferences are above. We're curious to see if your preferences fall in line with freshpair.com's survey. We don't know why we want to know. We just wanna know.
In the meantime, do yourself and your loved ones a favor and inventory your undies. We shouldn't have to tell you the tell-tale signs of worn out underpants, but really, they're only supposed to have holes big enough for two legs.
--Andy Kehe, Eye Street editor
Underpants By the numbers
1934
The year a truly functional vent was applied to boxers and briefs
360
The size of panties needed for the Statue of Liberty's 35-foot waist.
660,000,000
Number of men's large briefs needed to cover the island of Manhattan
73
Percentage of men who say they have tried on women's underwear.
7.5 trillion
Number of men's Large briefs needed to cover state of Texas
179,115
The number of times you could wrap around the earth the amount of underwear it would take to cover Texas.
8.6 billion
Amount in dollars spent on women's underwear annually.
57
Percentage of women who never attempt to keep their panties from showing
-- Source: www.freshpair.com
Fun Facts
* The First modern bra was invented by a New York socialite named Mary Phelps Jacob in 1913. She took two handkerchiefs, ribbon and some cord and devised a simple backless brassiere, which she patented in 1914.
* The world's largest bra was made in Japan in 1990. it measured 91 feet, 10 inches.
* The largest pair of underpants ever made was in the United Kingdom inb 1999. Developed as a magazine promotion, the briefs measured 14 feet by 29 feet.
* According to the Journal of Urology, "tighty whities" do not elevate testicular temperature (and thus hamper sperm production) as previously believed.
-- Source:www.freshpair.com
Top 10 rejected movie concepts and titles about underpants
10. "Attack of the 50-foot Underpants"
9. "Big Momma's Underpants"
8. "Raiders of the Lost Underpants"
7. "Lethal Underpants"
6. "Joe Versus the Underpants"
5. "Saving Private Underpants"
4. "Stop Or My Underpants Will Shoot!"
3. "Silence Of the Underpants"
2. "To Live And Die In Underpants"
1. "Underpants, Interrupted"
-- Andy Kehe
Preferences
Men's style preferences
* prefer boxers: 30 percent
* prefer briefs: 30 percent
* prefer thongs: 21 percent
* prefer some other style: 8 percent
* prefer wearing nothing: 10 percent
Women's style preferences
* prefer panties: 52 percent
* prefer thongs: 31 percent
* prefer some other style: 10 percent
* prefer wearing nothing: 7 percent
-- Source: www.freshpair.com
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