Staying cool is key during month of August

By STEPHEN THOMAS, Holiday Guy

It's 110 degrees in the shade, the family is sitting on the porch like The Culhanes and Grandpa is frying eggs on his shoes: Man, it's hot!

Fear not, Bullitt County: The Pioneer News has sweated to bring you a compiled list of holidays and events for the month of August that are so cool they would make a poodle wear a parka.

First and foremost, be happy: August is Happiness Happens Month. Formerly known as Admit Your Happy Month, we believe the name was changed when admission was met with punches from overheated grumpies. If you meet a grumpy, stay cool and relaxed: It is also Win With Civility Month.

August is Back To School Month, a celebration depending on whom you ask. Very young children not yet old enough for the classroom may stay home and celebrate Toddler Month.

August includes Golf, Catfish, Peach and Inventors' Month. Have Grandma invent some peach ice cream. It's also Children's Eye Health and Safety/Vision and Learning, Immunization Awareness, Spinal Muscular Atrophy Awareness, Black Business and May Your Reading Be a Haven Month, the latter challenging for a selection of books with substance.

Currently we are in the middle of Psychic Week, but if you're psychic then you already knew that. Exhibitor Appreciation Week coincides with National Fraud Awareness Week.

August 1-7 is also Simplify Your Life and World Breastfeeding Week. Keep celebrations simple and appropriate.

For those of you ready to celebrate and keep cool now, a reminder that today is Watermelon Day.

Monday was Girlfriend's Day, if you missed it then you'll get a cold shoulder. August 1 is also Respect for Parents and Raspberry Cream Pie Day. My folks hate raspberry.

Yesterday was Ice Cream Soda and Ice Cream Sandwich Day, celebrate today with leftovers. It was also National Night Out, a crime prevention awareness holiday.

Tomorrow features Coast Guard Day: Fill the tub with cold water, turn on the shower and pretend you're in an attacked submarine.

Friday is Twins Day, eat a Twin Pop. It's Work Like A Dog Day, which I must be celebrating already because editor Tom Barr is barking at me.

Tom will forgive me for that line; After all, Friday is also National Forgiveness Day.

Saturday, Aug. 6, is Fresh Breath, Pamper Yourself and Mustard Day. Buy the minty gum.

Sunday is full of special events including Kids, Sisters, Treasure Your Customers, Lighthouse and Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day.

The week of Aug. 8-14 features Don't Wait - Celebrate, Knights of Columbus Family and Scrabble Week. For the utmost in cool, celebrate Elvis Week, which runs through the anniversary of his death on the 16th. Elvis counts as eight points on Scrabble tiles.

The famous Perseid Meteor Shower may be viewed Aug. 9-13, at night, when it's cooler.

Also at night is Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbors' Porch Night, Aug. 8. Pick your oldest neighbors, it's also Senior Citizens Day.

For that MTV generation, back when the station actually played music, the 10th is Duran Duran Appreciation Day.

Next is Sons and Daughters Day (11). Sit with the kids and tell them who Duran Duran is. Aug. 12 is Vinyl Record Day, so play Duran Duran albums.

Back to the traditional cool holiday theme: The 12th is also Kool-Aid Day.

The 13th features Left-hander's, Garage Sale and National Underwear Day. Nothing's cooler than a holiday for underwear.

International Nagging Day falls on the 14th. If you're still walking around in your underwear that day, someone surely will celebrate Nagging Day with you.

The 60th anniversary of V-J Day, honoring the Allied Forces victory over Japan in World War II, is celebrated on the 14th. Navajo Code Talkers Day is also celebrated, honoring the code used for secrecy by the Allied Forces during the war.

On the cool side again, the 14th is Creamsicle Day.

The 14th also begins National Aviation, Resurrect Romance, Weird Contest and Thanks For All the Gifts Week. Please send appropriate items to The Pioneer News, c/o this writer.

Relaxation and Best Friends Day take place the 15th, followed by Bratwurst day on the 16th. Enjoy a brat. Also the 16th is the fifth birthday of my nephew, Jarod, a polite young man and certainly not a brat.

Next on the calendar is Sandcastle (17), Meaning of 'Is' (17), Bad Poetry (18), Black Cow Root Beer Float (18), Aviation (18), Potato (19) and Garlic Day (19).

Aug. 19 celebrates Hawaii Admission Day, our 50th state. The actual anniversary is the 21st.

Homeless Animals Day is the 20th, honoring all stray animals both past and present. If Bob Barker could be reached for comment, he would remind to help control the pet population by having your pets spayed or neutered.

Also on the 20th is Vinegar and Bamboo Day. Gilligan could not be reached for comment.

More August events include Poet's (21), Spumoni (21), Be An Angel (22), Punctuation (22) and Tooth Fairy Day (22). The Tooth Fairy was unavailable for comment.

Then there's Ride the Wind (23), Sam Spade (24) and Vesuvius Day (24), recognizing the volcano.

The last seven days, beginning Aug. 25, make up Be Kind to Humankind Week. The 25th is Kiss-And-Make-Up Day, coincidentally falling on the birthday of KISS band member Gene Simmons.

Up next are Women's Equality (26), Cherry Popsicle (26), International Sing-Out (27), Race Your Mouse Around the Computer Icons (28), Crackers Over the Keyboard (28), and 'According to Hoyle' Day, (29), honoring fun and games played according to the rules.

Toasted Marshmallow Day takes place Aug. 30, followed by Trail Mix Day on the 31st.

Wrapping up the festivities is Love Litigating Lawyers Day, Aug. 31. I love our lawyers at The Pioneer News; they help me get away with a lot of this stuff I write.

Everyone keep cool and have fun in August!