…the waistband is more stretched out than Joan Rivers’ face
Note to self: Stretching at the gym is good. Stretching a dollar is good. Stretchy jeans are good. But a stretching waistband is BAD. There’s no way your undies are giving you the support you need if they don’t stay in place or even stay up. They definitely can’t be comfortable either.

…it starts resembling Swiss cheese
The bigger the holes in Swiss cheese, the better the cheese is considered. The bigger the holes in a person’s underwear…well, let’s just say the criteria for judging a person’s hygiene are not the same as for Swiss cheese.

…black and white have turned to gray
There is no gray area when it comes to hygiene. When your black undies are looking fuzzy and gray, it’s time to let go of things of the past and come to accept that you need a Freshpair. When your favorite white ones are no longer pure as snow but look more like the snow plow guy has run over them multiple times, you also need a Freshpair.

…you’re going on a flight that shows more than three Julia Roberts movies
On those long international flights, you don’t get fresh air, fresh food, or fresh-smelling people sitting next to you. And no, I’m not telling you to try and change into a fresh pair in the gross airplane bathroom. Just remember to have your Freshpairs ready when you reach your destination so you can change into them as soon as possible after you check into your hotel, take a shower, and feel human again.

…you’re planning on turning them inside out for the second time
This returns the underwear to its original “outside out” stage, but now it is dirty on both sides. This also means that you’re about to wear the same pair of underwear for the third day in a row (assuming you “change” your undies every day). Wearing inside-out underwear is already gross. Wearing them another time makes you a dirty underwearer. If you’re on a tight budget, get some multi-packs!

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